Doing Life Differently - Part 2

...continued from Doing Life Differently, Part 1

Oh my God! I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I'd watched rated R movies before, but they were nothing like this! This was way more graphic.  And sadly, it stirred a newfound curiosity within me, opening me to a whole new world... a dangerous world I was never meant to see.

Fast forward to my senior year of high school. I started having sex even though I knew it wasn't right. To some of my peers, I was probably considered a late bloomer. My girlfriend, at the time, and I tried to stop many times, but it seemed like the urge got stronger and stronger. I thought, well, maybe if I masturbate, then that will weaken my desire to want to have sex...crazy....I know…smh. But that's the mindset one has who is controlled by lust. 

I called my friend from Jr High School (the one who had the "pornos" from back in the day) and explained to him my rationale on needing the movies. He laughed and gave me one of them to borrow.

I took the tape home, put it in the VCR and prepared to watch it. While the opening credits were rolling I heard God clearly say "This will become a stronghold in your life." I paused, thought about it for a second and went ahead and watched it anyway.

I graduated high school and went to an out of state university, hoping I could "start over" and find a new life. But I quickly learned that the giants you don't face in one land can follow you and show up in another.

During my freshman year of college, porn quickly became my drug, and I found another "drug dealer" in one of my dorm mates. He had a collection of videos and I would often ask to borrow a different one. Once again, I knew this was wrong, but I honestly didn't know how to break free.

Sin became iniquity. I reasoned my heart and mind that this wasn't "that bad." This was what I had to do if I didn't want to "slip up". I wasn't smoking weed, drinking or doing other bad stuff. I told myself these lies over and over again.

Like many addicts, and in particular Christian addicts, I went through what we call the "sin-repent-sin" cycle. I would watch porn, do my do, and pray and ask God for deliverance. And then, maybe a week or two later (usually not more than a day or so later), I would go back and do the same thing over and over again.

It wasn't until my wife and I had the discussion about this one day that truth began to break through. She told me that watching porn wasn't normal. I kinda knew that but it never made sense to me before. That day, it finally did.

This lifestyle wasn't normal. This wasn't the life God intended for me. He wanted me to be free. And I wanted that freedom so bad.

One of my favorite artists, J.R. has a song called "Not a Slave." Oh how I desperately wanted to sing that song! But I knew in my heart I was a slave to sin.

Insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting to get a different result. I had to change my thinking. I had to do something different.

I was researching blogs about overcoming sexual addictions and came across a book called "Surfing for God" by Michael Cusick. I'd read "Every Young Man's Battle" and every other "Men-stop-sinning-book" you could find. They had some good points, but Michael broke it allllllllllllll the way down! He dealt with everything from the psychological aspects of what porn does to one's brain to its damaging effects on your family and friends.

I emailed Michael and thanked him for writing such an awesome and powerful book. He thanked me for reading it and told me about a 4 day intensive in the mountains for guys just like me who wanted to be free but didn't know how to. I had started down the road to recovery and thought this would be perfect for me. My wife and I discussed it and a very dear family friend of ours even paid for the cost of the conference.

That conference was no joke. I'm still blown away by the teachings, the raw honesty and sincerity, the brotherhood that was formed and the new mindset I received while there.

As mentioned in Part 1, I am doing life differently. The temptation to fall back into sin comes and goes but it's stronghold has been broken through the love and power of Jesus Christ. God has surrounded me with an amazing support system that I am eternally grateful for.

Here are some things I do, personally, to remain free and recommend to anyone struggling:

1. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings. Pornography and masturbation are "secret sins." They thrive in the dark. What you feed grows and what you starve dies.

2. Find at least one person who is stronger than you that you can be accountable to. If married, your spouse should be the main person.

3. Download an accountability software program for ALL of your electronic devices. This includes personal and work desktops, laptops, notebooks, tablets, cell phones, iPods, etc. I use Covenant Eyes and it's awesome.

4. Write through your journey. When I left the intensive, this was one thing that God told me would bring significant healing to my soul, and it really has.

5. Find scriptures that deal with overcoming temptation, sexual immorality and freedom from sin. Meditate on these often. Write them on your wall if you have to. (I've done this several times).

6. Listen to sermons and testimonies of people who have overcome different types of struggles. This will build your faith. Trust me. They're out there! You're not alone.

7. Fast and pray. This one is like throwing dynamite into a cave! There's so much power in fasting and praying. I LOVE TO EAT, but this draws me so close to Jesus. It renews my mind. Clears the air waves so you can hear and think with a sober mind. When you put fasting and praying the scriptures together, you have a powerful combination.

8. Encourage yourself. This may sound like a self-help tool but we all need encouragement. Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror and say "I am free from this." Keep saying over and over again until you believe it.

Thanks guys for letting me share my story with you. I appreciated every single text, call, email and post you've given me. Share this good news with someone else. You may be surprised. It may be something they've been waiting to hear.

I'll close with this prayer:
Father, I thank you for your son, Jesus Christ. It is in Him that we live, move and have our being. I thank you for the power of your word. You have come to set the captives free. I declare freedom in the name of Jesus to every person reading this. I declare freedom in their thoughts and to have the mind of Christ. I pray freedom in their heart to surrender it totally to you. I declare freedom in their home to remove any and all objects, materials or even people and plants that shouldn't be there. Reveal your plan to them now in the name of Jesus. Open the eyes of their understanding that they may see you for who you really are. You are the Healer! You are the Christ! You are the Son of the Living God. You have overcome the world, death, hell and the grave. I pray that you would surround my brothers and sisters with your love, grace, mercy and truth. Let compassion come upon those that must stand with them for support. Where there is unforgiveness, I pray for a repentant heart. A heart of stone turned to a heart of flesh. We thank you for the victory that overcomes! We thank you Jesus for setting us free! Amen!

Doing Life Differently

A few weeks ago, I had some time to chill after church and rest after a busy weekend.

As I laid down in silence, out the blue, I thought of the deck of playing cards in the drawer in our prayer room at home. It had been a long time since I looked at them, but it dawned on me that I needed to celebrate a victory. It's been two years since I indulged in pornography and those cards represented a concept I learned at a men's retreat - doing life differently.

This retreat was for guys, just like me, who were struggling with sexual addiction or compulsion issues. All of us were Christian men. Many of us were faithfully serving in the church and community. Many of us were married or in my case at the time, months from getting married.

I know it's still taboo to discuss a topic like this, especially in the church, but I firmly believe that we "overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony"  (Revelations 12:11). Sin and shame love to hide in the dark, but true healing comes when we expose them to the light and love of the Lord.

In order to really get this story, let me start from the beginning...

I grew up in a very loving, Christian home to two wonderful parents. My sister and I were taught the importance of education, hard work, perseverance and love. We didn't want for anything but we weren't spoiled...well, maybe just a little bit. :)

My father had the "birds and bees" talk with me one day while working in the yard, one of his favorite past times. It was awkward, of course, hearing your father talk about sex, especially as a kid, but I'm glad he took the time to say it.

My adolescent years sucked! lol. I was chubby, wasn't good at sports but really good in school. I made really good grades and was starting to learn how to play the piano really well.

I remember being in the 7th grade and wanting to hang around the "cool guys." All of the girls loved them. The guys wanted to be like them. And they had what we now call "swag" back then.

I began hanging out with them and was invited to a Halloween party that a community organization was hosting. Some of the guys were heading to a sleepover afterwards. I asked my parents if I could go and they let me.

We had junk food for days, watched music videos, played video games, talked about the party and had a good time.

I remember one of the guys coming over to me and saying "Hey Kenny. We got this tape we wanna show you, but you can't tell nobody about it." I was like "Ok. I won't." They said. "No, you gotta promise you won't tell nobody." I said "I'm for real. I won't."

They put the VHS tape in and on the screen was a scene that opened the doors to images, thoughts, feelings and urges that I was too young to understand or comprehend.

That night was the beginning of a very dark journey that took almost 18 years to break free from.

In Part 2 of "Doing Life Differently," I'll tell you how that one scene, that graphic image, began as a seed and grew into a raging monster.

If you were exposed to pornography at a young age, how old were you?

I know some of you reading this may be ashamed to talk about it, but let me be the first to tell you that talking through it is how you get THROUGH it.

THAT'S MY JAM! - Love Songs

You know that feeling you get when hear your favorite song? Or better yet, your favorite song that you haven't heard in a long time? Yup...that one. 

I found my old cd case this week and one of the CDs was from one of my favorite male vocalists - Will Downing. He and Rachelle Ferrell recorded one of the best love songs of all time - "Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This." I played it this morning on the way to work and thought of some other love songs that I really enjoy.

They are as follows (but in no particular order):

1. Love Came Down - Kari Jobe

We sang this one for our Christmas program at church and it's still resonating with us.

2. 143 - Musiq Soulchild

Musiq is one of the most creative songwriters of our generation. I love the storytelling aspect of this song.

3. Wanted - Hunter Hayes

My wife actually put me on to Hunter Hayes' music and I've been a fan ever since. The lyrics...man...

4. The Power of Love - Huey Lewis & The News

This is an "oldie but goodie" that has recently piqued my interest. May even do an updated cover of it. ;)

5. I Love Your Presence - Bethel Church

I'm captivated from the first chord of this song and the bridge is from another familiar song. Do you know what it is?

6. Let's Stay Together - Al Green

My wife and I had our first dance to this song when we started dating. :) And who doesn't love some Al Green?!

7. Treasure - Bruno Mars

One of our favorite songs from one of the greatest performers of our time! (i.e. My wife is saved in my phone as Treasure, so that just tells ya right there...#jussayin)

8. Nothing Has Ever Felt Like This - Will Downing & Rachelle Farrell

In my opinion, this is one of the best duets of all time. I usually vibe to the groove first, but the lyrics got me. I've heard this song a million times and I guess I never really paid attention to what they were really saying. #grownfolksmusic

9. How He Loves Us - Jesus Culture arrangement

I've heard this song performed by many different artists, but there is something really special on this arrangement...

10. YOUR Love Song

Love songs mean different things to different people. What's YOUR favorite love song and why? Post the link or lyrics if possible! 

I got a ROCK for Christmas!?

I know this story is late but you gotta hear this!

During the Christmas holidays, Christia and I were invited to a couples' Christmas party by some good friends of ours. We were going to play games, eat dinner, listen to music and exchange Secret Santa gifts. The host made it really easy for everyone. Guys were to purchase a gift of $10 or less and the girls were to do the same.

Christia and I both found some really cool gifts and were excited to exchange them at the party.

This was one of the BEST Christmas parties! We had so much fun and laughed until our sides hurt!

At the end of the party, everyone could pick a gift from the table. I picked up a small gift bag that seemed to be relatively heavy. I wondered what it was. It was a rock! What?! The rock said "Courage is fear overcome by faith." I gotta admit…at first, I was bummed. I know I picked a good gift and I was excited to see what gift I would get. Never in a million years did I think I'd get a rock! lol.

But then it dawned on me. This rock or stone, for this matter, was more of a gift than I could imagine…

From November 2012 until December 2013, I experienced a year of crazy nightmares and dreams. In a previous post, I mentioned how 95% of these dreams were of fear and intimidation.

This rock was my gift from God, unbeknownst to whomever chose it, that I had the courage to overcome fear.

This story gets better…

At the beginning of this year, we were at our Wednesday night service at church when we noticed a Facebook post from another friend of ours that really stood out to us. He mentioned that he and his wife were going through a really tough time, financially, and were in need of some food.

Our church has a food pantry, so we hurried downstairs to ask the coordinator if we could grab a few items to take to our friends.

After church, we called them and told them we were on our way to their house. When we pulled up to their home, the husband of this particular family just broke down crying when he saw us. We couldn't imagine what they were going through but wanted to help any way possible.

He thanked us and said that he had to run back inside to get something for us. We were like "No! We just wanna help." But he insisted.

He came back outside and said "this has been in our house for some time now. This is your giant slayer rock." Christia and I looked at each other in disbelief. He had no idea how important a gift like that was to us...

God has a funny sense of humor, eh? :)

Needless to say, I'm building a rock collection, and for real this time...I'm happy (and grateful) about it.

Do you guys have any gifts that hold sentimental value to you and your family? Feel free to share with us here in the comments section below. Love you guys!