Am I My Brother's Keeper?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. In my quiet time, I've been feeling this overwhelming impression to help people, specifically other guys.

A few years ago, I was working as a teller at the credit union. During my lunch break, God dropped this idea on me to get a group of guys together and hang out. He was like "Text a few guys, invite them to meet you at Chick-fil-A and just have guy talk." I was like "What?! It's 1 o'clock. That's last minute. No one's gonna be able to make it on that short notice." And….He just kept quiet. That meant "Kenny, do what I told you to do." lol.

To be honest, I didn't feel qualified to lead a men's group. Now that I think about it, this was the second time within a few years that I tried to run away from this kind of opportunity. This was a new challenge for me, and it would take me out of my comfort zone.

You see I believed the lies for years that I wasn't a "guys' guy." In my mind, I wouldn't be able to really relate to a group of men on and on. But I was tired of living that way. I knew God had blessed me with some great brothers who I could learn and grow with and vice versa. So, I let those fears go and started the group.

And surprisingly, a handful of guys should've up for the first one!

The name for the group was The Men's Chat & Chew. We would meet for an hour or so right after work, grab some food and just talk about what's going on in our lives.

I loved it because it wasn't limited to just guys from our church. It was more of a community thing with guys from across the St. Louis Metro (and even sometimes via conference call), all from different backgrounds and age groups, discussing the real stuff that men go through.

Some great relationships were formed and the monthly gatherings lasted for a year.

Then…I let the group slip away. Life got really busy.  I got married, I was trying to juggle work, church and other responsibilities and had some personal things that I needed to work through.

Fast forward to this week. My wife and I just got back from an amazing vacation in San Diego and we hit the ground running. I was on my way out the door to work and God dropped that impression on my heart again to help guys but this time specifically in the area of purity.

God has really given me a passion to teach on the beauty and importance of purity. I feel like this is something we aren't really taught as guys and that HAS to change. Most men are very visual people and the enemy knows that. So he blatantly and deceitfully throws these lustful and seductive images in our face, and if left unchecked those images become seeds of destruction. I know firsthand how destructive those seeds are and I don't want anyone to go through what I've been through because of them.

Every man needs a strong support system. If you're married, the support of your wife is vital. If you're single, having at least one guy, who's stronger than you in the area you struggle with, is also vital.

As men, we're also created to bond with other men. So having a few guys that you can be totally open and honest with wins major wars of the mind. God has blessed me with some amazing guys who are stronger than me, can pour into me and those who are a few years younger that I can pour into. Both
are needed.

Me and Greg Hand

(My producer/brother who has shown me what true accountability looks like)

Ryan Williams, Me, Mark Goins

(We've played music together and have been amazing sources of brotherhood for one another)

Me and Donnie Howard

(Fellow co-worker, brother and walking miracle. We're kinda crazy! Lol)

These pictures represent a few of the examples of brotherhood on many levels. Greg's a few years older than me, has tons of wisdom and God has used him to challenge me big time to let go of the past, walk in dominion and power and chase after my dreams. Ryan is a few years younger than me, but He's got some wisdom beyond his years. Mark and I are close in age and even more so recently have strengthened our bond through transparency and accountability. Donnie is one of my bros at work that has been a living example for me that miracles still exist. He's watched my journey into marriage and now I get to watch his. 

Everyone needs somebody. I'm tired of seeing brothers locked up (mentally and physically), marriages falling and communities crumbling. There's a quote I posted on social media that says "If you win the MEN of the community, you win the COMMUNITY." I wholeheartedly believe that. We all know there's a problem but too many of us (myself included) have been quiet for too long. It's time to BE the solution.

You might've heard the familiar phrase "Am I my brother's keeper?" Well, it's actually a verse found in Genesis 4:9b. Cain killed his brother, Abel, and God asks Cain "Where is Abel your brother?" Cain responds "Am I my brother's keeper?" knowing that he killed his brother. I pose the same question to us "Where are our brothers?"

While many of us aren't physically killing our brothers, we are allowing them to kill themselves. And we do this by withholding the truth from them. The word says in John 8:32 "And you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free." We know right from wrong. We all know brothers that are headed down the wrong path and many of us (once again..myself included) aren't saying anything due to fear. But what's worse? Having them not like us momentarily or knowing that our words could possibly save their life?

Here's a solution guys that we can use a starting point: Let's start by connecting with at least one brother in our lives TODAY. It can be a natural brother, a coworker, a gym buddy or a guy in the community. And It doesn't have to be anything deep. Just start a conversation with him, build a relationship and look for that open window. We win the war one heart at a time.

I wanna hear from my brothers. Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions on this topic.

OH!! By the way...stay tuned for The Men's Chat & Chew, Round 2! :)

"Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

I was born in the 80‘s. Grew up in the 90’s.  I loved shows on Nickelodeon  like Doug, Rugrats and the scary storyteller show “Are You Afraid of the Dark.” 

Every Friday night, I looked forward to hearing the new scary stories they would come up with and tell around the campfire.  I had this strange fascination with scary movies.  My dad would scare the living daylights out of me and my younger sister with movies like Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th (We used to call them “Jason” movies. LOL!), and others.  

Are You Afraid of the Dark was on the lighter end of the scary spectrum. Their stories were more mysterious and didn’t involve much violence or seemingly haunting images.  

As I think back to my love/hate relationship with scary movies, it makes me think of how much I really was afraid of the dark.  

Most grown men probably won’t admit this, but I was literally afraid of the dark even up to my senior year of high school.  We always kept the hall light on at our home in Moss Point, Mississippi.  I couldn’t go to bed without my closet door being completely closed and I NEVER went to bed with my bedroom door closed.  I was literally afraid of the dark.  

I grew up, went to college, graduated, got my first job out of college, moved to a new city and had progressed greatly in life.  I “thought” I was over that.  Ain’t it funny how when you think you’re over something, it mysteriously shows back up?!  And at the most inopportune times?

Last year, I attended an awesome men’s retreat at a ranch in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado.  This was my first time there and we were staying in a great facility.  The log cabin was divided into different rooms and we even had bunk beds!  Cool!  LOL!  

I was having a great time, learning and sharing with the guys.  On my second night there after having a powerful session during the day, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt this overwhelming fear and anxiety come upon me.  I laid in bed, tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  My heart started to race.  Tears started to flow down my face.  All of a sudden and I kid you not, the room changed from the log cabin in the Rocky Mountains to my old bedroom in Moss Point. 

As a kid, I had a bunk bed that would face my window, and I promise there would be times where I thought there was a burglar or some guy standing outside my window waiting for me to go to sleep so he could break in and get me.  Well, this time in my “dream” or whatever it was, I saw myself as a little boy again, laying in bed, crying silently because I was afraid that something was either gonna jump out of the closet and get me or that “man outside my window” would break in and get me.  

There’s more to this story...

I was doubly afraid because this “nightmare/dream” phase always seemed to be too real.  There were times when I would be asleep but I would be in a dream, trying to wake myself up.  Then there were times where I would be awake and it seemed like something wasn’t right.  This time, I didn’t know which realm I was in.  

I eventually fell back “asleep” but woke up really groggy and was kinda introverted for most of the day.

On the last day of our retreat, we were in our last session and prepared to take communion.  It was really cool because our small group leaders were the ones that served us the communion.  After having some real heart-to-heart talks that weekend, all of us shared a common bond of true brotherhood.  The leaders served us communion one a time.  When it was my turn, one of our small group leaders turned to me and said “Kenny, you’re a good man.  You’re clean.  You’re forgiven.”  Those words opened up the floodgates of my soul and tears began to stream down my face.  I took the communion, sat back down in my chair and began to sob uncontrollably.  I’m normally a “crier” but I hadn’t been able to cry at all up to that point.  Guess I made up for lost time?! :)

Heading back home, I was able to really reflect on how I allowed the fear of the past and the fear of the unknown rule and dominate my life.  A major lesson learned from this experience is that when you expose fear to the light  aka the truth, it’s stronghold is broken.  Darkness must surrender to light. 

So I pose this question to you...

What are you so afraid of?

What’s in the “dark” that keeps waking you up at night?