I was born in the 80‘s. Grew up in the 90’s. I loved shows on Nickelodeon like Doug, Rugrats and the scary storyteller show “Are You Afraid of the Dark.”
Every Friday night, I looked forward to hearing the new scary stories they would come up with and tell around the campfire. I had this strange fascination with scary movies. My dad would scare the living daylights out of me and my younger sister with movies like Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th (We used to call them “Jason” movies. LOL!), and others.
Are You Afraid of the Dark was on the lighter end of the scary spectrum. Their stories were more mysterious and didn’t involve much violence or seemingly haunting images.
As I think back to my love/hate relationship with scary movies, it makes me think of how much I really was afraid of the dark.
Most grown men probably won’t admit this, but I was literally afraid of the dark even up to my senior year of high school. We always kept the hall light on at our home in Moss Point, Mississippi. I couldn’t go to bed without my closet door being completely closed and I NEVER went to bed with my bedroom door closed. I was literally afraid of the dark.
I grew up, went to college, graduated, got my first job out of college, moved to a new city and had progressed greatly in life. I “thought” I was over that. Ain’t it funny how when you think you’re over something, it mysteriously shows back up?! And at the most inopportune times?
Last year, I attended an awesome men’s retreat at a ranch in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. This was my first time there and we were staying in a great facility. The log cabin was divided into different rooms and we even had bunk beds! Cool! LOL!
I was having a great time, learning and sharing with the guys. On my second night there after having a powerful session during the day, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt this overwhelming fear and anxiety come upon me. I laid in bed, tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t. My heart started to race. Tears started to flow down my face. All of a sudden and I kid you not, the room changed from the log cabin in the Rocky Mountains to my old bedroom in Moss Point.
As a kid, I had a bunk bed that would face my window, and I promise there would be times where I thought there was a burglar or some guy standing outside my window waiting for me to go to sleep so he could break in and get me. Well, this time in my “dream” or whatever it was, I saw myself as a little boy again, laying in bed, crying silently because I was afraid that something was either gonna jump out of the closet and get me or that “man outside my window” would break in and get me.
There’s more to this story...
I was doubly afraid because this “nightmare/dream” phase always seemed to be too real. There were times when I would be asleep but I would be in a dream, trying to wake myself up. Then there were times where I would be awake and it seemed like something wasn’t right. This time, I didn’t know which realm I was in.
I eventually fell back “asleep” but woke up really groggy and was kinda introverted for most of the day.
On the last day of our retreat, we were in our last session and prepared to take communion. It was really cool because our small group leaders were the ones that served us the communion. After having some real heart-to-heart talks that weekend, all of us shared a common bond of true brotherhood. The leaders served us communion one a time. When it was my turn, one of our small group leaders turned to me and said “Kenny, you’re a good man. You’re clean. You’re forgiven.” Those words opened up the floodgates of my soul and tears began to stream down my face. I took the communion, sat back down in my chair and began to sob uncontrollably. I’m normally a “crier” but I hadn’t been able to cry at all up to that point. Guess I made up for lost time?! :)
Heading back home, I was able to really reflect on how I allowed the fear of the past and the fear of the unknown rule and dominate my life. A major lesson learned from this experience is that when you expose fear to the light aka the truth, it’s stronghold is broken. Darkness must surrender to light.
So I pose this question to you...
What are you so afraid of?
What’s in the “dark” that keeps waking you up at night?
